Inside my room I woke up with a heavy heart, and my mind started thinking of those breaking scenes again. Sometimes I cried, sometimes I didn’t. There were times it lightens to cry, but for more intense times when my head felt like bursting. If hurts were like water in the bottle, mine was not reduced.
Anger and hatred did a lot, crippled by it seemed to be there was nothing to do but cry and hate. Doubling the agony, multiplying the pain. I knew I was helpless in my box of emotions, tossed back and forth like a pendulum. Would I ever find help, would it ever stop, and leave? My heart was dying.
Inside my room, I looked around, held a Book and read it. One moment later, the door opened and heard a voice, “Come, let me show you something. Trust me, don’t‘ be afraid, come.” So I followed Him.
Going out of my room, I saw darkness, but then it turned red. From red there was complete darkness. I was afraid, but He said ,“Do not be afraid.”
“I know it’s hard, but you can choose. You can let darkness cover you or release from it. Remember, I died on the cross for your sins to be forgiven. I died so you would also learn to forgive. Don’t let it strangle you. Trust me.” Then, I saw a glimpse of light defeating darkness. Now the atmosphere was full of light. I looked around, and felt his presence.
Before, I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t find him and wander why but I knew the reasons now. Now I understand, He is the ultimate healer of my heart—and His name is JESUS.
There I found myself with the Book I was reading,
a “Be of good courage,
I will strengthen your heart,
all you who hope in the Lord.”
b “Everything will work together for good to those who love Him.”
I cried hard, but this time it’s about asking forgiveness to the Lord, for the lack of trust, and dwelling for someone rather than embracing His Great Love.
a Psalm 31:24
b Romans 8:28
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