As my hand touched the flow of the river; a feel of life passed onto me. And it said, “Come with me, go with me, feel me”. I looked into it, the water was clear and the morning sun glided through. I could see the bottom with its tiny, rough and smooth pebbles. It was so inviting, so I refrained from sitting and step my feet into it.
In the midst of all our endeavors, one is not alive without human connection and relationship. We have family ties to bond, church to be in the same mind and spirit, friends to hang on, coworkers to work with, and acquaintances to know and meet. But this story is how I describe when you enter a relationship or consider a special mutual understanding with someone and realize that something else has to be done.
So there I was, I looked into the river. It was so beautiful. I couldn’t help but walk my feet into it. The water was finely cold. The surrounding was so calm and peaceful. Everything was good except for one hanging on my thoughts—leech. I would leap, disturb the small fish and get out of the water when I see one, but the good thing there wasn’t any.
I should say, leech is the fear of rejection, fear of being hurt or left alone. Mostly it has something to do with our pride. We fear someone will change and leave us broken. And when a leech sticks to our skin and sucks our blood it scares us and worst shock us trembling.
But then I heard the voice again, “Come with me, go with me”. So I continued walking. The water was below my knee. There were small fish; it was enchanting to see them aligned like they were showing up. I tried catching some of them with my bare hands but they were so tiny and quick. So I stared as I took another step. A moment later I heard birds singing, I looked up and saw them flying, chirping and landing on from tree to tree. One of them alighted on the riverbank just a right turn away from me. I was amazed watching the bird as he put his beak into the water to drink. It was quite uneasy, roaming its head from left to right. And after I took another step suddenly it flew.
As i went on, I saw green plants along the riverbank. I noticed some were edible, some were not. Then there was a wide branch of a tree spreading out like a roof above the river. I was drawn to it, I reached those big green leaves. I jumped hard to reach it but it was too late the water was already above me. I struggled and kicked and kicked. But my strength was nothing compared to the rigid flow of the river, I was pulled. The light I saw was now flickering; until nothing remained of my strength.
Can you recall yourself so in love with someone? You anticipate his/her presence. Every thought made you smile and sometimes laugh. You couldn’t help yourself shivering. It will be agonizing not to see this person and like that small bird, you roam around. You can’t stay in one place. Your sister or colleague would say, “Hey! What is that in you?” And admit it, it’s worst when you’re alone.
However, you find that things just don’t stay as they are. Relationships have to go another chapter. And taking it further would usually mean hurdles along the way. Somehow, it’s the way of life to test and strengthen what is inside. When the other is too weak to hold on and fight. Someone or the other will try to fix the lost thread to save both ends. But catching your breathe and striving to immerse yourself is difficult. Your emotions and thoughts are tossed back and forth. How long can you hold on?
So then, there in the darkness I lay. I came back to my senses. My head was in pain. I crawled until I reached the grassy part of the forest. I stopped and fell asleep.
I should say, you don’t want to lose yourself. So you grasp all the courage you have to make it, finally, by yourself.
You finally accepted the truth. The other had left. The hurt became a hard shield to your heart. You swear to yourself, this won’t ever happen again! And you try to regain your composure. You stood up and face the blurry future. Somehow things are getting better. You were able to walk on your own. But then it felt like you’re missing something. When things appeared to be just fine and dandy, the emptiness submerged.
That is because you shut your heart down. Remember when you said “This won’t happen again!” That’s where it started. You stopped hoping. You stopped believing that God is good. That He has good plans for you. You thought you made it so safely, so secured but the truth is you were afraid and remained unforgiving.
We don’t want to end like this, so let’s go back to the story.
It was indeed a deep sleep. Not long enough, I opened my eyes and it was morning. My head felt better. I saw myself just a few steps from the river. I stood up and again looked into the river. Still it was inviting. It was so beautiful. So I walked my feet into it. And felt the flow of the river. And it said, “Come with me, go with me”. I answered, “Thank you but I have to continue my journey”.